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If I’ve told you silly boys this once, I’ve said it ten-thousand times. You will get addicted. It’s not a warning or a promise or a bluff, it’s just the way it is. Talk to me, and you’ll want to let me into your brain. Let me into your mind and you’ll have no choice but to open everything else to me, including your heart, your wallet and if you’re very very lucky, your vas deferens. In that vein, when I stopped by the Chanel and Dior counters this afternoon I was looking through the lipsticks. Flipping over those shiny, wet, pink little sticks, I thought about some of your tiny little pee-pees.

Twist the bottom of the tube, and a one and a half inch of pink sticks up… that’s a bit like yours. Anyway, one was named Addict. I bought it. Then I found this picture.

It’s okay that you’re addicted. Don’t be scared. It’s gonna feel all better when you submit to your urges to call me.