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I just finished destroying the will of one of the more pathetic little wankers I’ve spoken with in a while. This was him when I picked up the phone.

“Oh. ohhhh. oh is it really you?”
“This is Princess Laural.”
“Oh my god. Oh, it’s you . . . I can’t stop… oh–” *insert pathetic panting and whining and squeaking. Yes, squeaking*

I thoroughly chastized him for neither asking my permission nor waiting. How? He had to open a $100 pay mail before I was willing to take his calls again.

He paid it that night and called me three more times. Crying, sniffling, pleading for permission to come. Groveling. Begging. Of course he wants to come when he hears my voice, that was never even a question. The question is whether or not he can submit to my will and wait for my whims. He’s still on my shit list (You know who you are, Mr. Purple Pants). If you’re not on your very best behavior from now on, I will block your snivling little loser ass. And we both know that’s the worst punishment of all.